I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
