she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
