I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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