i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Come on in and take your pants off
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