i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Liz is crying about burritos again.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
