the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
