so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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