best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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