I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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