it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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