I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
