The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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