Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I can't turn off my feet"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
do nipples grow back?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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