It was confusing and full of hummus
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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