butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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