Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
