did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
