the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
