I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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