I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
