You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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