I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
