I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
