North Korea, Best Korea!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
