Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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