HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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