did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
