So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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