Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
