lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
