was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
