I'm laying in your front yard are you home
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
