My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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