I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
