Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
