Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
