I will die if light touches me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
