yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
