Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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