The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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