If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
