We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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