There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
