I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
