Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
