I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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