He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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