i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
