Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
