Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
